Thanks, Feministe, for pointing me toward this piece at Marie Claire: “Why Men Prefer Innocent Girls to Bad Girls” by Rich.
Rich’s friends divide women into categories called Innocent/Good Girls and Bad Girls, and I’ve got bad news for women with opinions, self-confidence, and a sexual history.
Oh, Rich, you’re just like a guy who wants a strong, opinionated, outspoken, smart woman…as long as she never disagrees with you and pretends that you are smarter than she is to preserve your fragile ego.
Since you say that you have less experience with sex than a Catholic schoolgirl, let me teach you something about sex right now: If you could put your crushing insecurity aside for one second, you’d stop thinking about sex as something that you “perform” and women “find wanting, because they are comparing it to other experiences” (DIRTY SNOW!
) and start thinking about it as an interaction between two equal partners who are both figuring out how to make the other person feel good.
And Rich, I believe you when you say that you don’t do well with “intimidating” women, and I’d like to help you out.
First, women are human beings with their own thoughts and desires and histories and personalities.
All of them are different from each other and no matter how much experience and knowledge you acquire each woman will present her own set of rewards and challenges and you’ll have to learn about those one woman at a time.So when you talk about “types” or put them into categories like “bad girls” (who you feel justified in taking less seriously) and “good girls” (who get the enormous privilege of meeting your mother – I’m sure she’s proud of you), it just makes you a douche.The fresh snow is more of a palette for adventure I’m not sure how those two things follow.Does he need a permission slip from his mommy in order to date?My mom has two master’s degrees and raised my brothers to take women seriously, full stop. Or is this more about his and his friends’ need to have a category of women they feel okay having casual sex with but not treating respectfully ?Then, I think we’re getting somewhere, because Rich admits what we’ve assumed all along: He finds confident (by which he means bad) girls intimidating.