Dear Amy: I am gay and have been dating a great guy for a year and a half.
We have a hefty age difference -- he is 45; I am 33.
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Recently, he mentioned he would be travelling to attend a gay pride event, and would be staying with a mutual friend. I am always uncomfortable with this, and instantly go on the defensive.
It ends up pushing me far away because I speculate about them. We never fight, except when this recurring theme emerges every few months.
I can't control how I feel, and he seems reluctant to stay away from these events, even though he knows how much it bothers me.
Is it wrong for me to ask him to not do these things, or to at least include me in the events, rather than feel as if I have been shoved into the back closet, while his ex still lingers around in his life?
I'm at a point now where I am not too sure whether or not to contact him. Now that you seem to have some clarity on what you want, you should contact your former friend and see if he is interested.
Dear Amy: Recently you responded to a query from "In-law Ethics," whose sister-in-law had been engaged in black and/or gray market activities and what appeared to be widespread tax avoidance.You suggested that if the sister-in-law were not applying for and fraudulently receiving subsidies, your reader should butt out, implying it's private business and none of hers. What difference, really, is there between receiving a fraudulently obtained subsidy and fraudulently failing to pay one's fair share of taxes?-- Wondering Dear Wondering: When it comes to the relationship with exes, the burden is on the common partner (your guy) to create healthy boundaries and reassure the newer partner (you) that all is well.One way to do this would be to include you in events where the ex will be present.If you two are partners, you should include each other openly in social events, and introduce each other to your friends and family members. Don't passively wait for fate to do the work you could be doing.Getting to know his ex would probably help you to come to terms with this long-standing relationship. You should not use your feelings to hurt or manipulate your partner, but he should be respectful of a very natural sensitivity on your part. We tried to date and after graduation we lived together, but things just never worked out romantically, and I couldn't understand why. This did not last long, as I started to date a new man. I haven't spoken to said friend in almost five years, and I am no longer with the other guy, but I find myself thinking about my old friend constantly. Relationships take different forms and assume different sizes and shapes over the years.