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Though, for the record, breast enlargement by contraceptive pill is largely ineffective; it only ever seems to work on women who have breasts to enlarge (my doctors words, not mine).

For one, we can sleep on our stomachs without any discomfort.

We can run up the stairs without having to hold down the ladies; we save a fortune in underwear because bras cost like $10, and we will never, ever have to worry about sagging (like seriously, ever).

As if all that wasn’t great enough, you also never have to worry about a guy hitting on you just because of your great boobs. He probably just likes you for your great personality or awesome face (go you! Plus, if you ever do marry a man who likes big boobs and you’re up for it, you can get him to fork out the 10 grand it’s going to cost for breast augmentation (just claim they’re more for him than they are for you), and save your money for something that really matters, like wine.

I’m sure some of it will go to your boobs,” you finally decide to give it a go.

Despite all your better judgment, you attempt to put on weight in “all the right places.” Does it work? Because, if life were that kind to you, it would have just graced you with bigger boobs to begin with.

Which goes hand in hand with having to casually bring up the fact you’re flat-chested on your third date to avoid the disappointment when he eventually takes your push-up bra off and realizes there’s nothing underneath.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase, “My boobs have gotten enormous since I went on the pill,” I’d probably be able to afford the breast enlargement surgery I so desperately need.

While every woman should love herself exactly as she is, some of us have more to love than others — five or six cups more to be precise.

You see, for every girl in the world with a great rack, there’s another girl out there, for whom the term “cleavage” is some kind of sick joke.

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