You don’t sit around for six months waiting to heal. On the other hand, there are a completely different set of emotions surrounding a break-up. Well, it pretty much meant that I got back on JDate, found myself a cool girl a few hours later and was hooking up with her shortly thereafter. Three years later, we’re still friends and grab dinner once a month. This pattern, by the way, continued for a few months (and a few more women), until I was truly and finally “over” my ex. You need to be “over” someone in order to be able to date. When you’re reeling from a break-up, all you can do is RECEIVE. I remember reading once upon a time that people need half the length of the relationship to heal properly. Great blog Evan, I think you are right, you might feel like you want to be in someone elses company, but it´s just not fair on the other person.And while I WANTED to be ready to date, and definitely had the online dating skill set to be ready to date, I was not emotionally ready to date. But I never gave her the opportunity she deserved to have all of me. If you were together for two years, you need one year of healing. I’d probably say it’s closer to one-tenth of the time. At the moment I am kind of in that position (on the recieving end) and I am treading carefully and so is the guy, since his 4 year rel ended over xmas, and he is just putting the pieces back together.
And really, i dont want to sleep with someone, but not be able to call them to talk about our day.
Either way, I have decided to back off somewhat and see how things play out.
Currently, I am using online dating to meet new prospects, though I choose not to date anyone who is going through divorce.
Do you still want to get back together with your ex? You see how all of these things can radically impact your decision as to when to get back out there? I couldn’t convince her to take me back, so I did what I do best – I went back online – literally MINUTES after I returned home from the teary breakup.
And I don’t know the first thing about you or your individual circumstances. Now, in some respects, this made sense, in that I wasn’t going wallow in misery and think about what I did wrong or how I could fix things.
But I thought it was an important question, which is why I want to analyze it with you. I made the conscious decision to move on instantly.
The only “right” answer is “whenever it feels right, as long as you’re not hurting anybody else.” The thing is: you might be surprised when you’re hurting someone else. The best example I can provide is from my own life. To me, it was the equivalent of being fired from a job. I was in no position to be a boyfriend to anyone but my beloved ex-girlfriend. My need to move on superseded her need to be with an emotionally available guy…. If so – if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.
Dear Eliza, Sorry to say, but there’s not really a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.
Consider the number of variables involved in answering: Are there children involved?
Was the divorce amicable and are both parties on good terms?
Are you actively involved in each others’ lives as “friends”? How long was the relationship failing before you broke up?