So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy?
For most of my 20s (and even my early 30s) I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then.
It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie.
At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.
For some reason, I always thought my romantic relationships were less if I did not experience this kind of fairy-tale relationship. At times, I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life.
I thought, marry a prince—but a prince who is also human, who has faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he is.
At some point I grew up and learned to let go of the crazy metaphor of romantic love in order to find true happiness.Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. But, let’s look at it in this light: We all saw Unavailability fuels the romantic expression.This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover.Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view.Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do.The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.