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to the Frisky “Sex Diary,” in which an anonymous person shares the details of her sex life over the course of a few days. So, fresh from a week of moaning to my BFFs and reciting “you deserve better than that cowardly piece of trash” to myself on an hourly basis, I hit up my favorite free online dating site. The fact that I’m so anxious to talk to him again is probably a bad sign. it requires getting up, taking off my shirt — I kept my bra on — taking photos, uploading them, cropping out my face and sending. Kissing leads to a back massage, which leads to the bedroom. He’s bigger than I’m used to, or maybe just more enthusiastic. The best part, though, is that it isn’t awkward afterward. I’m trying so hard not to hope for a phone call or text tomorrow, or any kind of more-than-sex overture.

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I’m seeking the ego boost of a couple “Hey, you’re cute, want to chat?

He asks for pictures, which I refuse because, hey, you never know where that stuff’s going to end up, right? I’ve had suggestive conversations about likes and dislikes, and I’ve done (more than) my share of flirting, but I’ve never really gone “all the way.” At first I’m kind of awkward, blushing while I type and thinking, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just said that” every time I hit “send.” After about 10 minutes, though, I kind of get into it. I say dirtier stuff to this Internet Hottie than I’ve ever said to any guy in person. Monday Night: Internet Hottie proves to be a fantastic distraction from my recent breakup. He’s been at a friend’s house since he got off work, goofing off, so he shows up in sweat pants and a T-shirt. A tight T-shirt gets me every time if the guy’s remotely built. Tall, but not too tall, blond hair, blue eyes, glasses …

I suggest Wednesday, because I’ve got Thursday off work, but we’ll see if I even hear from him again. I’m not very sexually experienced, though I’m not a virgin by any means. but if not, one or both of us could pull a “you know, I just remembered I have to get up really early tomorrow …” and have an out. This is not unusual for me, but it is unusual for me to be pursuing “just sex” so single-mindedly. he’ll see me and not find me attractive in person; I’ll see him and chicken out; he’ll have a weird and un-sexy voice; he’ll give me the clap; it’ll be really bad sex in person; I’ll somehow become emotionally attached to him and wind up heartbroken because an internet hook-up didn’t call me the next day. I like to think that going into this with no illusions, I’ll be able to restrain my over-eager emotions, but you never know. Later That Night: He doesn’t text me until nearly . I’m stupid and give him my address and he comes over.

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