” In it, I concluded that it’s up to the individual. And just cause you WANT to move on from your previous relationships does not mean you’re really READY to. Generally, if you’re dating immediately after divorce, you’re hurt, reeling and looking for a safe harbor in the storm that is singledom. He thought he was ready for another committed relationship but needed a break before moving ahead. He told her he’d come back after he had time to sort things out. Very reasonable men want to love again, and are shocked to find out that it’s not possible.
The exact quote was “if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.” Allow me to correct myself. I have a client who went out with a man who was separated. On the other hand, you’ve heard tales of men who went seamlessly from one relationship to another without a break.
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I am divorced and have been for two years and am of the opinion that there is too much other stuff going on in one’s life during a divorce to date, as well.
Also, it seems that about 40% of the men who state they are divorced are actually still going through the process. That stated, I have come up to some heavy objection from both family and friends – hence I’m here.
They have given many examples of relationships that began quickly after a separation/break-up, so I am beginning to wonder if I am selling myself short – being too rigid.
As a dating coach/expert, what do you think of the idea of dating someone who is still in the process of divorce?
Do you advise your clients to take the date or run as quick as possible?
Any advice would be wonderful- thanks in advance for your response!
Dear Sara, We all make judgments based on our own experience.
You had too much going on during your divorce to possibly consider dating. This same script, I’m reminded, played out in the life of one of my favorite clients who fell in love with a separated man.
Therefore, you seem to think all men should feel the same way. But you are correct in proceeding with a sense of caution. Not because he listed himself as divorced but is really separated. He gave a lot to her during their time together, but, when it got right down to it, he really needed to sow his oats for awhile.
But, most likely, because he’s still emotionally reeling from the death of his relationship. It’s not that he didn’t care about her; it’s that he wasn’t ready for another commitment so soon after declaring his bachelorhood….
I wrote about this extensively here, in a post called “When Do You Begin Dating Again After a Long-Term Relationship or Marriage? And you’re certainly not ready to love with reckless abandon. So, Sara, like most situations that stymie my readers, the answer isn’t as obvious as “dump him” or “go for it.” It depends on the man, the nature of his divorce, his emotional availability, and his ability to get in touch with himself.