For those of us familiar with the woes and wins of the dating scene, we all know what it’s like to be in the uncertain stage before being “officially in a relationship” with someone.
Not knowing whether or not it’s still OK for you to entertain other dates on the side, wondering if they’re talking to other people on the side, trying to figure out if your jealousy is appropriate if and/or when you find out they are; all symptoms of “near exclusivity” (I made that up).
Because I’ve ended up in this situation myself quite a few times, I’m going to let you in on MY rules of being exclusive when you’re not really exclusive, with the help of some very poignant song lyrics.
Lil Wayne and Babyface said it best, “Don’t you ever get too comfortable.” “Kick game, run game, run it real good…but never ever have my bitches sittin’ courtside” –Drake…again I reference this lyric all. But along with that, my granny always warned against asking questions you don’t want the answers to.
The real message here though, is if you’re having questions or feelings about whom else I might be seeing then that means one of two things: 1.
We have some trust/insecurity issues to discuss or 2.
Personally, I’ve learned to keep my options open until someone truly sets themselves apart.
Whether or not I explicitly say this, I feel that the person I’m dating should proceed with the understanding that there is potential for someone else to make it to the top spot.
And it’s not even a situation of competition (I can’t see myself ever competing for someone’s attention/affection), it’s more so about presenting yourself in a manner that makes me not even consider anyone else (and actually being what you say you are).
All of this because I guarantee I’ll be doing that for you. Along with making it clear that, yes, I’m going to be weighing all my options, it also speaks to the fact that I have enough respect for you that, in our non-exclusive stage, I wouldn’t allow you to be privy to those things that could potentially hurt you, or that might make you uncomfortable.
What comprises “good sex” for him; and contrary to popular belief, having the top/bottom/vers conversation early on is important.
My suggestion is to ask it as soon as tactfully possible.
“Understand you’re not the only one that’s trying to be the only one.” –Drake Once you get out of the initial “newness” of enjoying someone’s company, things tend to get really comfortable, really fast.
Next thing you know, you’re waking up to a new avi on your Twitter and Instagram of you and your fake boo.