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Luckily, Ouzounian quickly proved herself to be the super(other)woman that Gotham deserves.In the wake of her scarlet letter branding, the Arizona State University graduate milked her free press like a Vine star on Ellen.Not since the Kardashians decided that childbirth was fair game for reality television has one woman’s pain (fired from her job, dumped by her boss, mired in scandal) been so pleasurable to watch.

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To phrase it tactfully, Ouzounian is a former nanny in the same way that Monica Lewinsky is a former White House intern.

The 28-year-old allegedly embarked on a sexual relationship with Affleck in the crucial period after separation, but before divorce.

It’s during this difficult time that an A-list husband often pursues a comfort that money can’t buy him, by seducing somebody that he is already paying to act as a maternal figure for his impressionable young children. Naturally, Bennifer’s official split on the heels of nannygate sparked a worldwide condemnation of a powerful man reaching for the conveniently placed hired help as if she were a particularly shiny fruit bowl or easily pocketed hand soap—kidding, a lot of people called Ouzounian a slut and now Ben Affleck’s Bruce Wayne.

Apparently, you have to literally be Nick Dunne from Gone Girl to face any repercussions from lying to your wife and giving up on your marriage.

No one wants anything bad to happen to two beautiful, flawlessly-orthodontured white people who named their children Violet, Seraphina, and Samuel.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck probably assumed that the worst misfortune to ever befall them would be the fact that they inadvertently named their middle child after a string of high-end Italian restaurants in New York City where middle school mean girls go to share a pizza six ways and talk about their latest crushes.

Little did Hollywood’s most inoffensive couple know that they were about to get smacked upside the face by a kween named Christine Ouzounian.

For those of you who weren’t avidly following nannygate, Ouzounian used to take care of Garner and Affleck’s kids.

She dined outside at Hollywood’s most buzzworthy restaurants, and made paparazzi salivate with a well-timed bikini romp.


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